He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How external is "for external use only"?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
