some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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