dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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