Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
