So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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