Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
