but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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