Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
