Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
