You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
