you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a blind-side dick pic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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