I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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