I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well most of my day revolves around power hour
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
