I love black thongs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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