3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
