I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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