I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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