I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
