i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
