so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize