Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
