Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
