Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
