Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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