Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This toilet bowl is my home.
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