Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
