Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
