I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
