He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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