Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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