my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
