i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
