chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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