It was confusing and full of hummus
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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