Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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