And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
