I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
