He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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