This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
