Your tits are I can't wait for
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
