Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
