Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
