did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
