He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
