I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
