I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
