apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
