I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
