there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize