I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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