I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Small penises have feelings too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
