somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Less talking, more tequila
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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