Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
