he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
