Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
