Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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