o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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