My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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