You really coming over, don't trick.
Sry I called you an 8
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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