this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
