he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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