This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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