She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
