New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How naked do you want me to be?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
