it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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