dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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