i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
