is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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