We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
