you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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