I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She announced her abortion via fbk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
