He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
