I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
