I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
