8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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