He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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