I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
