It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
